CAN JESUS SAVE ME FROM GUILT FOR THE GOOD THINGS I DIDN’T DO? #HOLYWEEK (APR. 10, 2020)

By Lauren V. Macaraeg

I know Jesus can save me from guilt for the bad things I did. But can He also save me from guilt for the good things I DIDN’T do? I’ve wondered about it as I struggled with guilt during the first 3 weeks of the Luzon lockdown.

My mom & I are used to helping others in our own small ways in the past. But the Enhanced Community Quarantine a.k.a. ECQ caught us smack in the middle of a situation where we no longer have the resources, manpower, time & strength to help others in a bigger scale like we used to. In fact, we’ve focused our remaining energy & dwindling resources to survive, not just during the lockdown, but also the months before when our own personal world started falling apart (long story).

I’ve often felt guilty, frustrated & depressed the past few weeks. I felt helpless to see how many people are suffering & to accept that there’s little that we can do to help them at this time. While we’ve tried to share a tiny bit of help to the few homeless people we’ve encountered outside, how I wish we could do more, give more. Ang daming nagugutom. Ang daming natatakot. Paano na sila?

I wish we had more resources & manpower so we can feed more people like we did under my mom’s leadership during many outreaches & relief operations in the past. Ang bigat sa dibdib na ngayon pa naman hindi namin kaya mag-food outreach para sa marami.

I wish I had more time & energy so I can at least give hope to others as a writer & a creative person. But I am often physically exhausted & weak at the end of each long day just helping my mom with endless things, especially housework, pamamalengke, #AlayLakad, errands, etc. Dalawa lang kami eh. And while I don’t regret choosing every day to help my mom instead of spending that time online, I feel useless as a creative person. Feeling ko wala akong silbi. At the back of my mind, habang ako ay nagluluto, naglilinis, naghuhugas ng pinggan, atbp., iniisip ko: “Hindi ba dapat gumagawa ako ngayon ng online storytelling sessions, writing & doodle lessons, new book, or song & dance videos para pasayahin ang mga batang nasa bahay?”

And while I also enjoyed my extended quality time with my mom & our cats, I even felt guilty for enjoying this time with our family at home when so many people are dying and suffering. So many frontliners & patients are fighting for their lives in hospitals, homeless people are struggling to survive in the streets (oo, maraming homeless sa labas), and poor people are risking their lives to go out & find a way to earn money para wag magutom ang kanilang pamilya.

And while I’ve been growing a lot during this lockdown, both in terms of practical skills & in character building, I even felt guilty that my growth came at the cost of other people’s suffering. Parang napakataas naman ng cost nito.

Then something suddenly changed during my mom’s birthday. As I looked at Mama Uni & our Cutiengs Cats while we were laughing & eating, the Lord reminded me that this is the mission He gave me for this particular season: to be there for my family. Other people have other people to help them. Will it make a difference if I don’t help them? Maybe. But right now, I am the only one my mom has in person. Will it make a difference if I don’t help her? Yes. Definitely.

God helped me realize that it is my honor & my privilege to serve this noble woman with a heart of gold (medyo makulit nga lang lol) who has served so many people in the past. At ako ang binigay ni Lord kay Mama para samahan at tulungan siya (na-touch ang nanay ko nang nabasa niya ito haha).

I felt more peaceful after that realization. Will I try to help others again in my own small way when things settle down for us? Yes. And hopefully soon. But right now that my focus is my mom, I will not feel guilty fulfilling the small but honorable role that God gave me. Kaya nga ngayon, kahit hindi pa rin ako ganoon kagaling sa gawaing-bahay, masaya na akong nagluluto, naglilinis, naghuhugas ng pinggan, naglalaba, atbp. Career change? Lol.

If you are feeling guilty that you are not being a hero during this COVID-19 pandemic that our world & our country is facing, please think again. Maybe you are already helping someone, just not in the way that you expected to. Or if you are in a difficult position yourself during this pandemic, maybe it’s your turn to accept help. And that’s perfectly fine.

No matter what your situation is, please take care of your physical health and your mental health. Please don’t let guilt add to your anxiety and depression.

I know Jesus can save us from the bad things we did. But can He also save us from the good things we DIDN’T do?

Yes. Thank You, Jesus.

Thank You for dying for us so we can live a life full of meaning & purpose, and not guilt & regret. And thank You for living with both compassion & focus when you were still on earth. Ngayon ko lang naisip: you yourself stayed with your earthly mother for 30 years before you started your public ministry.

A Blessed Good Friday & a Meaningful Holy Week to all from Lauren, Mama Uni & Cutiengs Cats. 🇵🇭🌄🙏❤️⛑️🙌

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” (2 Corinthians 5:17)

#Jesus #Guilt #Redemption #HolyWeek #GoodFriday #Health #MentalHealth #LockdownDiary2020 #Lockdown #COVID19 #ECQ #MamaUniAndLauren #LaurenVMacaraeg #Family #CutiengsCats #Philippines #2020 🇵🇭🌄🙏❤️⛑️🙌

Blog Post Title: CAN JESUS SAVE ME FROM GUILT FOR THE GOOD THINGS I DIDN’T DO? #HOLYWEEK (APR. 10, 2020)

URL Link: http://laurenvmacaraeg.com/2020/04/10/can-jesus-save-me-from-guilt-for-the-good-things-i-didnt-do-holyweek-apr-10-2020/

Written by: Lauren V. Macaraeg & Mama Uni ✏️

Photos by: Lauren V. Macaraeg & Mama Uni 📸

Date of Photo: April 10, 2020

Date Posted: April 10, 2020

Thanks also to Ms. Jennifer Gulle for unexpectedly giving me a two-in-one doodle pen during our storytelling session months before the lockdown. I used this pen for this lockdown doodle. Hugs & prayers! 🖊️❤️✏️

Hi! I’m Lauren V. Macaraeg, a children’s book author, freelance writer and cat lover. Subscribe to my YouTube Channel and other official channels to be part of my adventures with Mama Uni, Cutiengs Cats, family, friends & readers in the world of books and beyond. Meowhugs! ✏️😻❤️🐈💃

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